As I ponder about the year that has just lapsed, I am not sad to see it go. It has been a year full of trials. Those trials brought faith-building experiences, I would hope that I have learned from those experiences and that my family can implement them in our new trials taking place now.
Last year, one of my resolutions was to find a new house for our family and move. It was a heck of a process. We met with our realtor, Jared in January. Then got cold feet. Every couple weeks he would call us and ask if we were ready. We were not. Facts were: there was not a lot of homes in my price range on the market that I loved, we could not afford two house payments, and Jared told us over and over we would have to sell our house-find a place to rent-then buy a house. Who wants to move twice with 4 kids.
By the end of Spring, I was feeling the urge to put our house on the market. I cleaned, threw away, and organized my house. We put our house on the market the first of June. We had an overwhelming amount of showings, yet no offers. I did not want to have to lower our house price. In the meantime I was hoping for a house to pop up on the market. We looked at many, and none of them felt right. We even put an offer on one, and backed out later that day due to feelings we had.
I was putting my life in the hands of my Savior. Praying that the right house would pop up. But I knew we would probably have to move to the cabin for a short bit of time.
One morning an email popped up in my inbox. It had no pictures, just an MLS number, address, and price. I knew at that moment that this was the house I was waiting for, without even seeing it. After quickly looking at the pictures, I called Jared and told him we needed to make this happen. He made sure we were the first appointment. We went through on a Monday morning, and I wanted the house. Yet we did not have an offer on ours yet.
Long story short: The offer on our Sugarhouse home came that same afternoon. We were able to purchase our home.
I know that Heavenly Father was listening to my prayers, he was watchful of my situation. Yet he did not hand anything to me on a platter. I had to first have absolute faith, and then He, at the last minute stepped in.
Other faith building experiences this past year came with Peter's urinary problems. After a month and a half of him urinating every couple minutes, I was sure something was seriously wrong. I was grateful that a friend in our ward, who was a resident doctor at Primary Childrens was there in the room with me for Peter's appointment. I thought for sure he had asked to be on that rotation once seeing our name, but he said no it was assigned to him. I feel like Heavenly Father was watching out for me yet again.
After buying our house, it seems like our life took a turn for the worse. Everything got harder, and we felt buried in trials. Steve's job that he loved went downhill fast. My foot injury became extremely painful to the point that I could not even walk on it some days. I started feeling very depressed and the chronic pain from my foot made it worse. The stress and depression were making me gain weight, and last but not least our dog, Max, was getting super sick.
By December my depression was getting so bad, that I did not even get dressed on some days. I could not find it in myself to cook one stinkin' meal. We found out Max had diabetes, and would have to put him down. It was shortly after that, I hit the bottom. I realized I needed help. Whoever thinks that moving, even to a better house, is fun and candy, is surely mistaken. It comes with many emotions and hardships.
I feel NOT at all embarrassed, that I am admitting to the world, that YES I had to get on some medicine.
I can now say that I am happy again. My problems still exist, but I can handle them, love my kids and feel like praying again. When you are depressed for some odd reason, praying is very hard to do. Enough with the "taboo" and "stigma" that come with being on an antidepressant. Society needs to stop judging people and being so critical of why they are medicated. I know that people think that if you change things in your life, you would not need a pill. There are situations in life, and chemical imbalances in peoples bodies that make it impossible to control. I was one of these people. I waited and waited, pushing and pushing, thinking it would get better. I waited to long, and there was no need to do that.
I am now ready to face a new year. Our family has a bunch of challenges ahead of us. But if I have learned anything this past year, it is that my Heavenly Father will help me through these tough times.
