But seeing as this is MY journal, and I try not to be Debbie all the time, I will be today.
Today I feel as though I have hit rock bottom. I know I really haven't, but I feel hopeless, and sad. The problem is Steve is in the same boat. We always pull each other out of these funks, but now we are sinking together. We try so hard to be happy and patient with the kids, but have to give each other breaks so that we can through the night without a blowup.
I love the scene in the Bridesmaids, where the main character says she hit rock bottom. Her mom tells her that is good news! Why? Because you can only go up from there. Things can only get better.
Moving is a very lonely experience. In Utah terms I basically moved out of state. The west side is like the forbidden fruit. People are intrigued but not enough to taste it. So I find myself in this transitional stage, staying in touch with my sugarhouse friends, meeting new friends, and trying not to get my feelings hurt, but yet they do. I honestly feel like I am in high school. So instead I live in my own little world with kids, with little adult conversation, and yes it is lonely. I have even applied for a job, and think about how I can get back into the workforce. Yet, I am probably a couple years early for that. Rachel and Pete still need me.
For years I have been waking up at 5 am or early to exercise. I desperately need exercise to clear my mind as of late, but it is not happening. I still wake up at that time, but can't exercise due to my injury. I need to figure out if it is really worth the time spent working so hard and not seeing any results.
I had an appointment with a Personal Trainer today. (I am going out on another limb by telling you these results!) My body fat was 44%. Which puts me in the very high category. I was wearing a tank top at the time as he kept blabbering on, and while I was holding back tears, I wished I had my jacket to cover up my body. My body is that of a 41 year old compared to my chronological age of 34. And my cardio fitness came out at "fair" I did not even make it to the average/middle area of "moderate". Yes, I think I am wasting a huge amount of time, while beating up my body to boot.
Tonight Peter said a cute prayer, He prayed for me, he prayed for our dog Max who has been sick, he prayed for my brother Adam who has had health issues, and he prayed for Annette (Steve's brothers wife) who is sick with cancer. He is so sweet. I only wish he had remembered his Dad.
We have a whole list of other stress's that are just too personal to share. But they are ever present. But who doesn't?
I can't believe I am going to quote Steve's mom, but this is what she says every time we end a phone conversation, "This too will pass!"
